If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
