i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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