If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
