Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize