She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
