What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
