Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just invented taco cereal.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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