The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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