your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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