Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
In America we eat man semen.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
