This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you will always have a special place in my vag
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Randomize
