I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
