so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
