Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I didn't notice because vodka
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize