youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You're a waste of cheezeits
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
