I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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