Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
