well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize