Someone shit on the floor
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
