I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
