I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
