It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
