Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We had to coat check the pizza.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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