We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
