taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
