What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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