the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
