He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Houston, we have a blender
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
