I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize