We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
tell me about the eggs
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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