If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
