Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
