Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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