people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
