drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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