we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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