This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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