Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Princesses don't give blow jobs
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
