mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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