No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
