I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
