Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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