Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just want nice things and good sex
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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