I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
