Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
