im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
