I feel great
I just peed on a car
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
