Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
