New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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