yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
