im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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