honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
