Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
