I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
