GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
