Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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