hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
