i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
