I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
