I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Randomize
