Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
