yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
