we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
