whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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