i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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