he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
