I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
