I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
