I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I supernannyed him into submission
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
