sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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