3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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