Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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