and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize