Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
