my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
