There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Drake has all the answers
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize