he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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