I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
