toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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