just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
