My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
