Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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