So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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