dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
