I think i peed on brittanys purse
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
