So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
