id be glad to
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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