You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
