if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
