You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
