you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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