Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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