Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
