The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
