i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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