A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
