did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
