He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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