I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize