I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
