First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize