awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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