i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
