i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My ass is underappreciated
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
