wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
