i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
