u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
