when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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