I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize