i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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