She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize