thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
