Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
