is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
