i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
