does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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