kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
