I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
